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Thursday, 06 December 2007

  • These quotes have always provided me motivation and inspiration.  I am again at a place where I need it.  I tend to take things for granted and therefore I must always remind myself where I've  come from.  My thought process forces me to look inward once again before any action takes place.  If you wish to see a portion of it feel free. 


    "There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman; some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me: only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable... I simply am not there. "

    Patrick Bateman - American Psycho (2000)

Thursday, 19 July 2007

  • I saw happiness.  Happiness that should have been mine, but I was wrong.  His notebook reveals that he never had the life I envied.  The family life that he craves one minute, he rails against the next, demanding freedom.  His mind, is a divided one.  His soul is restless.  His wife and child, tormented by his fickle and contradictory nature.

    The Prestige.

Thursday, 12 July 2007

  • Please take my world apart

    Jars of Clay - Worlds Apart

    I look beyond the empty cross
    Forgetting what my life has cost
    And wipe away the crimson stains
    And dull the nail that still remains
    More and more I need you now,
    I owe you more each passing hour
    Battle between grace and pride
    I gave up not so long ago
    So steal my heart and take the pain,
    And wash my feet and cleanse my pride
    Take the selfish, take the weak,
    And all the things I cannot hide
    Take the beauty, take my tears
    My sin-soaked heart - make it yours
    Take my world all apart,
    Take it now, take it now
    And serve the ones that I despise
    Speak the words I can't deny
    Watch the world I used to love
    Fall to dust and blow away
    I look beyond the empty cross
    Forgetting what my life has cost
    And wipe away the crimson stains
    And dull the nail that still remains
    Steal my heart and take the pain
    Take the selfish, take the weak
    And all the things I cannot hide
    Take the beauty, take my tears
    Take my world apart
    Take my world apart
    And I pray, and I pray, and I pray
    Take my world apart
    Worlds apart

Monday, 09 April 2007

  • "Glamour of evil"
    A phrase in church that got me thinking

    What is it about the glamour of the darkness? Why is my favorite color black? Why is my car, rosary, cufflinks and other accessories black? Why did I have this insane huge obsession for this girl who wore all black at UCLA? Or just about any gothic or perennial sad looking girl?

    Before it used to be simple, I was a sad dude who hated life and I hated the sunshine. Now however it just seems like a part of me. I used to look at a person and know they cut themselves and I wanted to be their friend because I wanted to be around people like that. Now sadly I have no overly depressed friends. But I sometimes glace at a person somewhere and I suddenly miss having conversations with those people. If my birthday were tomorrow I would want to go basejumping or skydiving because being close to death is the best way to feel alive. Someone who cuts themselves know that feeling best. Why cant I turn the page on this part of my life? Why is it that to me a girls outfit always looks better when it is in all black?

    I am happy with my life now. And I care way too much about fashion to wear a lot of black but that part of me will always be there. When I think about people I know who committed suicide my first thought will always be I wish I was the one burried in the ground they got it easy, despite the fact that I am extremely happy with the point I am at in my life. Angry sadistic metal music will always make me smile just as much a song praising God. Before I used to get pissed off about the fact that I have these two sides of me. Now I just accept it and make sure that one doesn't sufficate the other. Most people don't even know this side of me. Happy Easter, welcome to life.

    "Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me - I quit.'"
    Bill Maher

Sunday, 01 April 2007

  • The training we do is the consequence of an attitude. The attitude is the meaningful fundamental; without it no benefits may be realized. You must want (or need) to be where you are, doing what you are doing. If you can't pay attention or if you don't want to work hard, don't bother showing up to go through the motions. Nothing is gained by doing one thing with your body and another with your mind....

    A “good” attitude allows and spurs the athlete to conceive and achieve a goal. Such a psychological state does not have to be positive or balanced; personal torment has inspired great efforts. Confusion and questioning, anger and doubt may be fountains of creativity and initiative. What an individual finds dissatisfactory about him or herself is often the bridge to something greater. When combined with the self-discipline required to maintain momentum any motivating state of mind can produce an astounding work of art and action.
    -Mark Twight

    I need to add some Mark Twight wisdom. This is a man who puts his anger into something of use. As a result of eating oatmeal flavored with protein, tuna with just enough mayo so it sticks to the bread, eating vegtables for snacks and the only alcohol I've drank in 4 months has been just one beer I regained my sixpack. I am learning how to suffer, but I crave donuts.

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Brianislazy

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About Me

  • "How did you know what's been killing me? Slowly, for years, driving me to hate people when I don't want to hate. . . . Have you felt it, too? Have you seen how your best friends love everything about you - except the things that count? And your most important is nothing to them, nothing, not even a sound they can recognize. You mean, YOU want to hear? You want to know what I do and why I do it, you want to know what I THINK? It's not boring to you? It's important?" -Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead one of my favorite books. Anyone who knows me knows how much I love Ayn Rand, I try to base my entire personality on it.

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